So I'm reading this book called Candyfreak, by Steve Almond, and it's got me thinking a lot about, well, candy. The book is a thoroughly delightful bit of nonfiction that is part humorous personal narrative and part history of candy manufacturing in America. Best of all, it's well-written AND funny. Finally. I'd been reading books that were either one or the other, and it was getting me down.
Anywho, the author's obsession with All Things Small and Sugary is rubbing off on me, I'm afraid. (I think I'm especially susceptible now that I'm PREGNANT! PREGNANT! PREGNANT! More on THAT soon.) Lately I've been tempted to buy candy bars, which really aren't anything I'd normally purchase or eat, I guess because my parents raised me to expect them on Halloween only, which always seemed pretty reasonable to me. (Good work, Watsons!) But the way Steve Almond describes the Clarke Bar, for example, borders on the pornographic. I find myself indescribably aroused by the thought of crispy peanut-butter filling "enrobed" (industry term) in rich chocolate.
You get the idea.
But today's topic is Candy That Never Should've Been. You know, those decades-old drugstore staples that make you ask, "Why?" They look gross. They sound gross. They taste gross. What's the attraction? Who keeps these brands in business? What gives?
I present to you my list:
-Necco Wafers
-Mentos (no offense to the Foo Fighters)
-Boston Baked Beans
-Good 'n' Plenty
-White jelly beans
-Black jelly beans
-Circus Peanuts
-Those miniature soda bottles made of wax that contain colored syrup
Just thinking of most of these makes me almost gag. Yet they've all been around forever.
Why?
These all need to be cleared permanently from the drugstore shelves so that more room can be made for the illustrious Snickers, Twix, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Hey, that reminds me: According to Candyfreak, most Americans "hadn't even heard of chocolate," let alone eaten it, before 1893. That astounds me, for some reason. You'd think our European forebears would've introduced it to us long before then.
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2 comments:
And also for yummy fair trade chocolate bars! :)
Surely you've never tried Boston Baked Beans, or you would not insult them so. They are part of the sadly declining variety of candy that can be munched over many hours on a car trip without inducing a stomach ache. Not too rich, not too chewy, and with enough substance to keep you sated between meals.
Please tell me you are just judging the beans by their package?
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