Debbie Downer

I'd like to explain why my preggers experience is fraught with panic and nervousness. There are a few reasons.

1. I am a worrier. It is an inherited trait. I fret like crazy when given the opportunity.
2. Being pregnant makes me feel out of control. I can't see what's going on in there! There's no little window into my uterus through which I can peek to monitor what's happening on the fetal front. And there's only so much I can do to try to make a healthy baby. I can avoid heroin, for example, and cut back on the thrice-daily Long Island iced teas. (Kidding.) But really: beyond feeding myself adequately and following the general do's and dont's of pregnancy, there just isn't a whole lot I can do to affect the outcome---or to guarantee a positive one. It's an exercise in faith, I guess. Don't smoke, don't drink, don't eat sushi, and cross your fingers. This is not my style. I like to have CONTROL.
3. I read too much. I'm not the kind of gal who reads one chapter of What To Expect When You're Expecting per month, the way you're supposed to. No no, I devour the whole damn thing the weekend I buy it. So one little month into my pregnancy, I was already reading about the Stages of Labor and Potential Complications at Each Stage, and making myself sick with anxiety. And then there's the Internet. A few days after learning I was pregnant, I could have given you a pretty thorough description of preeclampsia, ectopic pregnancy, placenta previa, and anencephaly, to name a few. In an effort to be an Informed Pregnant Woman, I read too much. I learn about every potential problem and become convinced that I will get it. Even my doctor tells me to knock it off with the Googling. I'm trying.

And now, as if this post hasn't been tedious enough, I present to you M's Many Worries of Pregnancy. (Have I driven you away yet?)

Miscarriage
Ectopic pregnancy
Alcohol I drank before I knew
Meds I took before I knew
Fetal deformities
Neural-tube defects (spina bifida and the like)
Down's syndrome
Mental retardation
Autism
Mercury poisoning
Toxoplasmosis
Lysteria
High blood pressure
Too-fast weight gain
Not getting enough folic acid
Inadequate nutrition (read: "too many Fritos, not enough lettuce")
Inadequate finances?
We don't own a house
Day care versus staying home
How to find good daycare
Lame-ass maternity leave benefits
Figuring out breastfeeding
Will cats hate baby?
Will cats claw baby in jealous rage?
Should I have gotten pregnant younger?
Should I get pregnant again?

...and finally, will the baby get my ginormous nose?

That last one's a joke (although I do wonder), but the rest of 'em sure as hell aren't. This is the kind of stuff that whips me into a frantic lather. I'm amazed at pregnant women who are relaxed and normal and excited and happy and picking out cribs and Diaper Genies and tra la la, because how do they do it? How do they not worry?

To come: A post that doesn't involve my wearing my neuroses on my sleeve. And a post that isn't about pregnancy! I promise.