So, today coworker-friend J sent me a very funny excerpt from the Frolic and Detour blog, written by Miss Alli, a recapper on one of my favorite Web sites, Television Without Pity. In her blog post, Miss Alli and her friend and fellow recapper, Sars, discuss the hundred or so permutations of That Guy. For example, there's That Guy Who Wears His Hat Backwards and Goes "Woooo!" There's Gore-Tex Vegetarian With Bicycle Guy. There's I'm Sensitive But Only So I Can Get Laid Guy, Defensive About Not Finishing College Guy, and Self-Conciously Offbeat Guy. Here in Los Angeles, we are all too familiar with Screams "Make It Happen!" Into His Cell Phone In Quiet Restaurants Guy, Talks Only About His Latest Acting Gig And Nothing Else Guy, and Wears Trucker Caps and Aviators Because Ashton Kutcher Wears Them Guy.
It all got me thinking: there's also That Cat. You know, That Cat Who Finds You Excruciatingly Boring, for instance. Or maybe That Cat Who Always Rubs Against Your Legs For So Long It Becomes Creepy. And of course, Kills All The Birds In The Neighborhood And Leaves Their Carcasses Lying About Cat. Here, for your reading pleasure (I hope), are various other That Cats, as categorized by J and me this afternoon:
Put Down the Claw Trimmer Before Someone Gets Hurt Cat
I Am in Love With This Magical Bathtub Cat
Do Not Mock My Hunger, Woman, Just Give Me the Goddamn Food Cat
Maybe If I Look Very Calm, No One Will Notice Me Walking on the Stove Cat
Only Fascinated by the Computer Keyboard When You Actually Want to Type on It Cat
It's 4:41 AM, Why Aren't You Awake and Playing With Me? Cat
Don't F-cking Wake Me Up From a Nap Ever Again Cat
Hooray! I Love Your Lap! Cat
Oops! I Accidentally Leaked A Bit of Poo Onto Your Comforter, But It's Cool 'Cause I'm So Cute, Right? Cat (that's our Ndugu!)
I Suppose You May Approach Me Now, But I Might Change My Mind And Bite You Cat (that's our Toonces!)
I Am So Over Playing With The Feather Wand Cat
Sweet Jesus, Is That A Cardboard Box Over There? I Must Jump Into It Immediately! Cat
Readers (all three or four of you), your additional contributions to this list are welcome!
In the meantime, I'll be working on my That Coworker list...
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Dear Brother M,
Thank you for posting a comment. It's always nice to know someone out there is reading Waxing Prosaic!
I am currently crafting a response and will post it by the end of this week.
Love,
M
I am currently crafting a response and will post it by the end of this week.
Love,
M
Friday, March 18, 2005
Outrage: a rant
Does anyone else feel downright appalled by the Republican members of Congress who are trying to subpeona Terry Schiavo and bring her to Washington for a bogus hearing to "review health care policies and practices relevant to the care of nonambulatory persons such as Mrs. Schiavo"? I'm just stupefied that federal legislators would flagrantly make this desperate, transparent effort to intervene in a situation over which they have NO JURISDICTION. They are not the interpreters of the law in this country! This is clearly a judicial matter! And on top of this total, unabashed overstepping of bounds, these same individuals are making these totally wild, maniacal proclamations about keeping this woman---who they don't even know, of course---alive and protecting her from the "barbaric" act (Tom DeLay's word) of removing her feeding tube, "no matter what her husband says" (also Tom DeLay). I mean, could this jackass listen to himself? "No matter what her husband says"?! DeLay is essentially dismissing the legal fact of the Schiavos' marriage and Mr. Schiavo's inherent say in this situation.
What's happening here is that a family's tragic personal experience is being transformed into a theatrical political circus by these members of Congress and by the dramatic protesters outside Terry Schiavo's nursing facility. These people who have a zealous, maniacal reverence for "life" are showing blatant disrespect for the sensitivity of the Schiavos' situation and turning her into their unwitting emblem.
It's interesting and upsetting that these people (both the members of Congress and the protestors) seem to have chosen Ms. Schiavo as the poster child for their extreme beliefs about the supposed sanctity of "life." Why, then, don't they display the same outrage over the young men and women killed in Iraq every day? The ones who aren't even engaged in combat? All those lives wasted? What of the tragic human deaths that occur in this country every year at the hands of criminals armed with illegally obtained handguns? What about the loss of all of THAT life? Why choose the very sad, personal, private tragedy of this woman who has been in a persistent vegetative state for fifteen years to get hysterical over?
The protesters are robbing Terry Schiavo of her dignity, and the Republican members of Congress are pandering to the protesters. It's sickening. I'm just so appalled. I don't know what this country is about anymore.
What's happening here is that a family's tragic personal experience is being transformed into a theatrical political circus by these members of Congress and by the dramatic protesters outside Terry Schiavo's nursing facility. These people who have a zealous, maniacal reverence for "life" are showing blatant disrespect for the sensitivity of the Schiavos' situation and turning her into their unwitting emblem.
It's interesting and upsetting that these people (both the members of Congress and the protestors) seem to have chosen Ms. Schiavo as the poster child for their extreme beliefs about the supposed sanctity of "life." Why, then, don't they display the same outrage over the young men and women killed in Iraq every day? The ones who aren't even engaged in combat? All those lives wasted? What of the tragic human deaths that occur in this country every year at the hands of criminals armed with illegally obtained handguns? What about the loss of all of THAT life? Why choose the very sad, personal, private tragedy of this woman who has been in a persistent vegetative state for fifteen years to get hysterical over?
The protesters are robbing Terry Schiavo of her dignity, and the Republican members of Congress are pandering to the protesters. It's sickening. I'm just so appalled. I don't know what this country is about anymore.
Workin' It On Out
Two posts in one week! This is highly unusual, isn't it? There are three explanations for this. The first is that I've had a very light workload here in my cubicle this week (for practically the first time since the new year), and the second is that I'm reading Anne Lamott's wonderful and inspiring book on writing, Bird by Bird. I'm only a couple of chapters into it, and already I'm feeling motivated and rejuvenated. The third reason for the increased blogging frequency is that I've also been reading the Bad Mother blog, written by Ayelet Waldman (Michael Chabon's wife and a novelist herself). She stopped writing in February but all her old posts are still available online. I really enjoy her blogging style. She comes across as honest, genuine, funny, and thoughtful, which is how I'd like like my blogging to be.
So anyway, I'm writing today about my newfound love of the home workout, something to which I never, ever thought I'd take. I've always been a definite exercise-class person and have participated in such classes as yoga, Spinning, step aerobics, Latin dance, ballroom dance, Pilates, and something I'll call "faux bo" (fake boxing), because I can't remember the exact name. I enjoy working out within a group of like-minded exercisers under the tutelage of a living, breathing human being (as long as he or she is competent). There's something about the "we're all in this together" mentality that I find motivating. Most of the time, though, the class schedules don't quite jibe with my own, so I end up schlepping to the gym to work out independently on various pieces of equipment, which is just OK. I've been doing it for years, but lately I just can't tolerate it.
Maybe I'm getting old and crochety, but the entire gym experience is wearing on me, big time. Driving there, circling around for parking, keeping my membership card together with my water bottle and keys, waiting around to use sweat-soaked machines that don't always work, and witnessing way too much unsightly bare flesh in the locker room are among the lowlights. Also, my current gym features a red and black color scheme I find cold and depressing. Honestly, there's very little about the experience I'm not sick of.
So, when coworker-friend J first told me about a Karen Voigt yoga and Pilates DVD she'd recently received from her mom and started using, I asked her if maybe I could borrow it and give it a go. J had raved about how good the yoga had been making her feel, and I was familiar with Karen Voight's kick-ass, highly ripped self. She's been an exercise guru and icon for decades.
When I borrowed the DVD and gave it a whirl one weekend, there was the predictable awkwardness of trying to establish a suitable exercise space in my shoebox-sized living room combined with the constant repositioning of my yoga mat so that the television screen was always visible. Add to that a couple of curious felines nipping at my heels and fingertips whenever those body parts got within their range. Despite all of this, though, I enjoyed myself. Karen Voigt is not overly perky (hear that, Denise Austin?), her workout was doable but challenging, and I liked the yoga-Pilates combo. The music was quite cheesey and synthesized, but it seemed a small price to pay for the opportunity to stay out of the gym. And after my workout was over, I just rolled up my mat, dragged the coffee table back to the center of the room, and headed into the bathroom for a shower. The whole shebang was over and done with in one hour. Nice!
I returned the Karen Voigt DVD to J, ordered my own on Amazon, and wondered if Netflix had any fitness DVDs available that I could try. Sure enough, they do! I'm excited, because it means I can try out and experiement with various home workouts without having to actually purchase them, which means the potential for my becoming too bored with home workouts to continue is significantly reduced.
A couple of weeks ago I received "10-Minute Solutions: Pilates" from Netflix and ended up LOVING it so much that I bought it on Amazon, too. The disc cotains five 10-minute Pilates workout that you can do individually or all together for one fifty-minute session. You can also create your own workout by building a session from the 10-minute programs. I have to tell you, this whole "ten minutes" concept is genius. On a day when I'm tired, grumpy, or pressed for time, I need only pop the disc in for 10 minutes and still get the benefits of exercise. It's much less daunting than, say, a DVD that contains one 90-minute workout. Typically I do two workouts together, preceded by some walking in place and jumping jacks as a warmup, with some light stretching at the end. The whole bit is done in 30 minutes. On the weekends, when there's more time, I might do three of the workouts in a row, followed by a walk around the neighborhood.
I reeeeally like Pilates. I first took a Pilates class about two years ago at my gym and loved it right away. I went to maybe six or seven classes before reluctantly quitting because the class was at 1:00 p.m. on a Saturday---a most inconvenient time. Like yoga, mat Pilates helps you build strength without a bunch of boring weight-lifting and waiting around for equipment. There's a focus on trying to maintain a bit of grace as you perform the movements, which I appreciate. It's challenging and requires concentration, and it's so exciting to feel yourself start to improve. I also respect Pilates's history as a form of physical rehabilitation and medical treatment for soldiers wounded in war, and as a form of strengthening and muscle-lengthening poplular in the professional dance community.
So, I'm excited about working out at home and have been enjoying it immensely so far. It will be interesting to see whether I will choose to forego the gym for good or still get the urge to head over there on occasion. I do, after all, like the treadmill and the elliptical trainer. But now that the days are getting longer and the weather is gradually, tentatively getting warmer, I can't imagine wanting to relegate myself to the dank, cavernous gym anytime soon. Hooray for the home workout!
So anyway, I'm writing today about my newfound love of the home workout, something to which I never, ever thought I'd take. I've always been a definite exercise-class person and have participated in such classes as yoga, Spinning, step aerobics, Latin dance, ballroom dance, Pilates, and something I'll call "faux bo" (fake boxing), because I can't remember the exact name. I enjoy working out within a group of like-minded exercisers under the tutelage of a living, breathing human being (as long as he or she is competent). There's something about the "we're all in this together" mentality that I find motivating. Most of the time, though, the class schedules don't quite jibe with my own, so I end up schlepping to the gym to work out independently on various pieces of equipment, which is just OK. I've been doing it for years, but lately I just can't tolerate it.
Maybe I'm getting old and crochety, but the entire gym experience is wearing on me, big time. Driving there, circling around for parking, keeping my membership card together with my water bottle and keys, waiting around to use sweat-soaked machines that don't always work, and witnessing way too much unsightly bare flesh in the locker room are among the lowlights. Also, my current gym features a red and black color scheme I find cold and depressing. Honestly, there's very little about the experience I'm not sick of.
So, when coworker-friend J first told me about a Karen Voigt yoga and Pilates DVD she'd recently received from her mom and started using, I asked her if maybe I could borrow it and give it a go. J had raved about how good the yoga had been making her feel, and I was familiar with Karen Voight's kick-ass, highly ripped self. She's been an exercise guru and icon for decades.
When I borrowed the DVD and gave it a whirl one weekend, there was the predictable awkwardness of trying to establish a suitable exercise space in my shoebox-sized living room combined with the constant repositioning of my yoga mat so that the television screen was always visible. Add to that a couple of curious felines nipping at my heels and fingertips whenever those body parts got within their range. Despite all of this, though, I enjoyed myself. Karen Voigt is not overly perky (hear that, Denise Austin?), her workout was doable but challenging, and I liked the yoga-Pilates combo. The music was quite cheesey and synthesized, but it seemed a small price to pay for the opportunity to stay out of the gym. And after my workout was over, I just rolled up my mat, dragged the coffee table back to the center of the room, and headed into the bathroom for a shower. The whole shebang was over and done with in one hour. Nice!
I returned the Karen Voigt DVD to J, ordered my own on Amazon, and wondered if Netflix had any fitness DVDs available that I could try. Sure enough, they do! I'm excited, because it means I can try out and experiement with various home workouts without having to actually purchase them, which means the potential for my becoming too bored with home workouts to continue is significantly reduced.
A couple of weeks ago I received "10-Minute Solutions: Pilates" from Netflix and ended up LOVING it so much that I bought it on Amazon, too. The disc cotains five 10-minute Pilates workout that you can do individually or all together for one fifty-minute session. You can also create your own workout by building a session from the 10-minute programs. I have to tell you, this whole "ten minutes" concept is genius. On a day when I'm tired, grumpy, or pressed for time, I need only pop the disc in for 10 minutes and still get the benefits of exercise. It's much less daunting than, say, a DVD that contains one 90-minute workout. Typically I do two workouts together, preceded by some walking in place and jumping jacks as a warmup, with some light stretching at the end. The whole bit is done in 30 minutes. On the weekends, when there's more time, I might do three of the workouts in a row, followed by a walk around the neighborhood.
I reeeeally like Pilates. I first took a Pilates class about two years ago at my gym and loved it right away. I went to maybe six or seven classes before reluctantly quitting because the class was at 1:00 p.m. on a Saturday---a most inconvenient time. Like yoga, mat Pilates helps you build strength without a bunch of boring weight-lifting and waiting around for equipment. There's a focus on trying to maintain a bit of grace as you perform the movements, which I appreciate. It's challenging and requires concentration, and it's so exciting to feel yourself start to improve. I also respect Pilates's history as a form of physical rehabilitation and medical treatment for soldiers wounded in war, and as a form of strengthening and muscle-lengthening poplular in the professional dance community.
So, I'm excited about working out at home and have been enjoying it immensely so far. It will be interesting to see whether I will choose to forego the gym for good or still get the urge to head over there on occasion. I do, after all, like the treadmill and the elliptical trainer. But now that the days are getting longer and the weather is gradually, tentatively getting warmer, I can't imagine wanting to relegate myself to the dank, cavernous gym anytime soon. Hooray for the home workout!
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Damn you, cursed Val-Pak!
I like the idea of coupons. (Or "kewpons," as my Grandma W. calls them.) I'm drawn to the concept of cutting a few cents here and there from the overall grocery bill until BAM!—all those ten-cents-off and fifteen-cents-off have added up and added up and your total bill is ten bucks cheaper. Voila! And you can waltz happily out of Ralph's or Vons or Price Chopper or what have you, warm with the glow of triumphant penny-pinching.
However, there's a catch. Coupon cutters must be meticulously organized and sufficiently self-disciplined, two qualities of which I am utterly devoid. Let's begin with the organization part. After clipping the coupons, it's a bad idea to, for example, shove them into a remote kitchen drawer that's already choked with old mail, dead batteries, wrinkled take-out menus, and three-year-old birthday cards. Because if you do that, you'll forget all about them until your hand accidently grabs one the next time you're rummaging around that drawer for a battery. (Although, don't bother, because, like I said, only dead batteries are stored there.) By that time, the coupons will have expired, and you'll be left blinking at the expiration date trying to calculate what age you were when the coupon was still valid. (Twenty-six? Nineteen?) I can write all of this with authority because I am that unorganized person stuffing coupons into already overstuffed drawers. What you're supposed to do, I've gleaned from Grandma G. and a few everything-in-its-place–type friends over the years, is keep the coupons in a coupon organizer, which is like a narrow little accordian file folder. It's small enough to take up temporary, if not permanent, residence in a handbag, so that it may be quickly and easily retrieved the next time you're shopping. The contents of the organizer can be filed by expiration date, product type, whatever, so long as they're categorized somehow. Sadly, this type of coupon storage is, to me, admirable yet improbable. I just tend not to place a high priority on filing, or categorizing, or weeding out old documents to make room for the new. (You should see the wad of old Baja Fresh receipts in my purse. Shameful!) The coupon organizer ain't happenin' chez moi.
...and neither is the self-discipline required to cut out and save only the coupons that discount products you actually buy. Obviously, you're not saving money if you're using coupons to buy extra products you don't normally use. Duh. A simple enough concept to grasp, one would think. Not for me, though. I rip open the Val-Pak Coupons envelope (always the familar pale blue with the purple stripe), and (after frantically rummaging through to see if I've won "one of 500 hundred-dollar checks placed randomly in the envelopes") the next thing I know, I'm hoarding coupons for things like Mystic Tan, maid service, and brake jobs. I tend not to see the coupons as opportunities to save on things I need, but as reasons to give something new a try. Or, illogically, as chances to save a few bucks on something I might, someday, sometime, somewhere find myself wanting or needing, like said brake job. Of course, the coupon for the maid service, for instance, will expire long before I'm wealthy enough to afford a maid. So you see, I'm doing exactly what the merchants giving out the coupons WANT me to do! I'm viewing the coupons as opportunities to spend money rather than to save it. They've got me right where they want me, those clever local merchants! I'm their helpless little bitch! Unless, of course, I overcome the lure of the coupon next time the pale blue envelope arrives in the mail, if such a thing is possible. I'll show them! (Maybe.)
We shall see.
However, there's a catch. Coupon cutters must be meticulously organized and sufficiently self-disciplined, two qualities of which I am utterly devoid. Let's begin with the organization part. After clipping the coupons, it's a bad idea to, for example, shove them into a remote kitchen drawer that's already choked with old mail, dead batteries, wrinkled take-out menus, and three-year-old birthday cards. Because if you do that, you'll forget all about them until your hand accidently grabs one the next time you're rummaging around that drawer for a battery. (Although, don't bother, because, like I said, only dead batteries are stored there.) By that time, the coupons will have expired, and you'll be left blinking at the expiration date trying to calculate what age you were when the coupon was still valid. (Twenty-six? Nineteen?) I can write all of this with authority because I am that unorganized person stuffing coupons into already overstuffed drawers. What you're supposed to do, I've gleaned from Grandma G. and a few everything-in-its-place–type friends over the years, is keep the coupons in a coupon organizer, which is like a narrow little accordian file folder. It's small enough to take up temporary, if not permanent, residence in a handbag, so that it may be quickly and easily retrieved the next time you're shopping. The contents of the organizer can be filed by expiration date, product type, whatever, so long as they're categorized somehow. Sadly, this type of coupon storage is, to me, admirable yet improbable. I just tend not to place a high priority on filing, or categorizing, or weeding out old documents to make room for the new. (You should see the wad of old Baja Fresh receipts in my purse. Shameful!) The coupon organizer ain't happenin' chez moi.
...and neither is the self-discipline required to cut out and save only the coupons that discount products you actually buy. Obviously, you're not saving money if you're using coupons to buy extra products you don't normally use. Duh. A simple enough concept to grasp, one would think. Not for me, though. I rip open the Val-Pak Coupons envelope (always the familar pale blue with the purple stripe), and (after frantically rummaging through to see if I've won "one of 500 hundred-dollar checks placed randomly in the envelopes") the next thing I know, I'm hoarding coupons for things like Mystic Tan, maid service, and brake jobs. I tend not to see the coupons as opportunities to save on things I need, but as reasons to give something new a try. Or, illogically, as chances to save a few bucks on something I might, someday, sometime, somewhere find myself wanting or needing, like said brake job. Of course, the coupon for the maid service, for instance, will expire long before I'm wealthy enough to afford a maid. So you see, I'm doing exactly what the merchants giving out the coupons WANT me to do! I'm viewing the coupons as opportunities to spend money rather than to save it. They've got me right where they want me, those clever local merchants! I'm their helpless little bitch! Unless, of course, I overcome the lure of the coupon next time the pale blue envelope arrives in the mail, if such a thing is possible. I'll show them! (Maybe.)
We shall see.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens
Actually, raindrops on roses are NOT one of my favorite things, because when I think about raindrops on roses, the mental picture that forms is one of cheap fake flowers with faux plastic dewdrops on the petals. Have you seen those? You can find them at your local drugstore in the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day. They're the saddest thing I've ever seen.
I do like whiskers on kittens, though.
Anyway, I hope this isn't lame, but I thought I'd whip up a list of my (current) favorite things. That's very self-indulgent, isn't it? Well, this entire blog is by its very nature self-indulgent, so why fight it?
Food:
-The curry at Chan Darette
-Seedless grapes
-Baby carrots (They're like crack, these things! If I could smoke them, I would.)
-Apple sauce
-The carnitas street tacos at Rubio's
-Orange juice
-Jasmine green tea
-Pumpkin butter, something I found at Trader Joe's
Movies:
-Shaun of the Dead
-Ray
Books:
-The Okinawa Program
-Taking Charge of Your Fertility (just, you know, for future reference)
Television:
-Project Runway (which has inspired me to ask for a sewing lesson from my friend)
-Supernanny (oh, the horror!)
-Oprah
-Unscripted
-Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Ty Pennington = cheesy like a radio deejay, yet so very pleasant to look at, and talented to boot)
-The brand spankin' new season of The Amazing Race, featuring a JMU alum (go Dukes!)
URLs:
-Rotten Tomatoes
-Margaret Cho's blog, which I just recently discovered
-Slate
-Television Without Pity, of course
-Wikipedia
-Good ol' Craig's List
Music:
-The Black-Eyed Peas
-The Black-Eyed Peas
-The Black-Eyed Peas
-Maroon 5
-The Black-Eyed Peas
Hobbies:
-Blogging, natch
-Journaling
-Knitting
-Cooking (nothing crazy, but I did make miso soup recently, and a baked chicken-and-root-vegetables thing with Tandoori marinade last weekend)
People:
-S
-Our vet
-Barbara Boxer
-Jamie Foxx
NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH! This just in! My wee little 26-year-old brother and his lovely wife T are preggers! It's all very exciting and mind-boggling...
My niece/nephew is due in November.
I do like whiskers on kittens, though.
Anyway, I hope this isn't lame, but I thought I'd whip up a list of my (current) favorite things. That's very self-indulgent, isn't it? Well, this entire blog is by its very nature self-indulgent, so why fight it?
Food:
-The curry at Chan Darette
-Seedless grapes
-Baby carrots (They're like crack, these things! If I could smoke them, I would.)
-Apple sauce
-The carnitas street tacos at Rubio's
-Orange juice
-Jasmine green tea
-Pumpkin butter, something I found at Trader Joe's
Movies:
-Shaun of the Dead
-Ray
Books:
-The Okinawa Program
-Taking Charge of Your Fertility (just, you know, for future reference)
Television:
-Project Runway (which has inspired me to ask for a sewing lesson from my friend)
-Supernanny (oh, the horror!)
-Oprah
-Unscripted
-Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Ty Pennington = cheesy like a radio deejay, yet so very pleasant to look at, and talented to boot)
-The brand spankin' new season of The Amazing Race, featuring a JMU alum (go Dukes!)
URLs:
-Rotten Tomatoes
-Margaret Cho's blog, which I just recently discovered
-Slate
-Television Without Pity, of course
-Wikipedia
-Good ol' Craig's List
Music:
-The Black-Eyed Peas
-The Black-Eyed Peas
-The Black-Eyed Peas
-Maroon 5
-The Black-Eyed Peas
Hobbies:
-Blogging, natch
-Journaling
-Knitting
-Cooking (nothing crazy, but I did make miso soup recently, and a baked chicken-and-root-vegetables thing with Tandoori marinade last weekend)
People:
-S
-Our vet
-Barbara Boxer
-Jamie Foxx
NEWSFLASH! NEWSFLASH! This just in! My wee little 26-year-old brother and his lovely wife T are preggers! It's all very exciting and mind-boggling...
My niece/nephew is due in November.
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