Sorry, that was totally juvenile and inappropriate. I'm in a terrible, terrible mood---although, it was actually worse about 90 minutes ago, before I embarked on The Great Broccoli Casserole Project. After a very challenging afternoon and evening with Maya (which followed a very sleepless Sunday night for the whole family thanks to poor Maya's gagging on her own phlegm and then vomiting at 1:45 in the morning), I dragged my frustrated, fatigued, and teary self into the kitchen to put together dinner for tomorrow. It's a casserole my Grandma W used to make when my whole family gathered at her house, back in the day. It's special to me, though it wouldn't be special to anyone outside the family, but anyway, tonight was my first time making it, and it proved to be a rather enormous undertaking not fit for my small kitchen and limited collection of pots and pans. Anyway, 90 minutes later, I'm done, and I actually feel a tad better--a little like I just had a nice long workout or something. (I'm even sore!)
But still, my mood is pretty crappy. I just sometimes feel that no matter how hard I try, I cannot be as good a parent as I'd like. Some stupid hurdle (self-set or otherwise) will thwart me when I'm least expecting it. And then a long, tiring day of Trying But Not Succeeding will come to an end, and I'll realize I look gross and never actually showered. Or that there are five million dirty dishes in the sink, and oh---I still haven't vacuumed.
I know, I know. I need to get over myself and recognize my copious good fortune. Self-pity is totally annoying.
I do recognize the many ways in which my life is wonderful. Just sometimes, my vision becomes very narrowed, and I can't seem to see past the problem of the moment.
I'm working on it! (See this previous post.)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment